Why Removing "Should" from Your Vocabulary Can Change the Way You Feel

As moms, we’re often juggling so many things—managing the home, taking care of kids, balancing work, and trying to keep everything running smoothly. It’s easy to fall into the trap of using the word “should” as a way to push ourselves to meet these expectations. We tell ourselves, “I should exercise more,” “I should be better at meal planning,” or “I should have it all together.” But what if I told you that just changing one word could shift your entire mindset?

The word “should” has a sneaky way of making us feel like we’re falling short. It adds pressure, guilt, and a sense of obligation to our already full plates. It implies that we’re not doing enough or that we’re not measuring up to some standard. But here’s the thing: should isn’t helping you get any closer to your goals, and it’s certainly not helping you feel good about yourself in the process.

How "Should" Affects Your Mindset

When you use the word should, it tends to put you in a place of “lack.” It’s as if you’re reminding yourself that you have to do something, even if it doesn’t align with how you feel in the moment. Instead of feeling empowered or motivated, you might end up feeling guilty, stressed, or frustrated because you feel like you must do something, even when it doesn’t feel authentic to you.

For example, you might tell yourself you should go for a walk, but you’re already feeling exhausted. Or you should be doing more for your family, but you’re struggling to keep up. Every time you use should, it can add a layer of stress that doesn’t serve you. It’s like carrying around an invisible weight.

My Own Journey with the Word “Should”

I know I’ve fallen into the trap of “shoulding” myself, especially as a mom. Every time, this language only leaves me feeling overwhelmed and guilty. I realize that I am not doing myself any favors by putting these expectations on my shoulders.

As I’ve started changing my language and replacing should with something more positive or realistic, I’ve noticed a huge difference in how I feel. For example, instead of “I should exercise,” I started telling myself, “I want to take care of my body,” or “I’m going to fit in a walk because it makes me feel good.” Shifting the words I use allows me to approach my goals with a sense of kindness, rather than pressure. I also started feeling more empowered because I am doing things because I want to, not because I have to.

How to Eliminate “Should” from Your Vocabulary

It’s easier said than done, but here are some small ways you can start removing should from your everyday language:

• Replace it with “want” or “choose”: Instead of saying, “I should exercise,” try “I want to move my body today,” or “I choose to go for a walk because it feels good.”

• Focus on the positive: When you think about your goals or actions, focus on what you can do, rather than what you should do. For example, “I’m taking a break now to recharge” sounds so much better than “I should be working.”

• Turn “should” into a question: Instead of saying, “I should call my friend,” ask yourself, “Do I want to call my friend right now? How will I feel afterward?” This helps you connect with your true desires and motivations.

• Be mindful of your self-talk: Notice when you’re using should—whether it’s about your health, your family, or your goals—and ask yourself if it’s the kind of language that encourages you or weighs you down. Adjust accordingly.

The Freedom of Letting Go of "Should"

In my journey to shift my mindset around language, I was greatly influenced by Louise Hay, a well-known author and motivational speaker. In her book You Can Heal Your Life, she talks about the power of words and how changing the way we speak to ourselves can have a profound impact on our lives. One key lesson I took from her is to avoid the word "should." It can make us feel pressured or guilty, and it undermines our personal autonomy. Instead, we can frame things in a way that feels more empowering and gentle, like "I want" or "I choose." It’s about shifting away from external expectations and aligning with what feels right for us.

The more I’ve been able to replace should with more empowering language, the more I feel like I’m in control of my life, instead of being dragged along by guilt or obligation. It's freeing to realize that I can approach everything from a place of choice rather than pressure. Life as a mom is challenging enough without adding a layer of “shoulds” on top of it.

When you start shifting away from “should,” you create more space for compassion, flexibility, and real choice in your life. It’s a small change, but it’s one that can make a big impact on your mental and emotional well-being.

If you're interested in reading Louise Hay's book, you can find You Can Heal Your Life on Amazon here: You Can Heal Your Life.

Conclusion

Eliminating the word “should” from your vocabulary isn’t about being perfect; it’s about shifting your mindset and creating a more empowering, less stressful way of thinking. Start by being mindful of how often you use it, and replace it with language that feels more authentic and kind to yourself. Over time, you’ll notice that you approach your tasks and goals with more freedom and joy, instead of guilt and pressure. It’s a practice, and just like with everything else, progress is key. Be patient with yourself as you make this shift, and remember, you choose how you want to speak to yourself.